look in my eyes and I’ll lie every time.

fairness.

I don’t believe in fairness. prove me wrong, I don’t think it exists.

as child, I was taught this concept of ‘fairness’; this idea of “what goes around comes around,” and the golden rule. it made sense then. I didn’t share, others wouldn’t share with me. fair, logical, true.

but that’s an entirely different concept, this use of a complex word in simple situations.

this ‘fairness’ grew up with me as I grew. it would take many shapes over the years, growing into a being not unlike the tooth fairy or the easter bunny; they weren’t real. they were only imaginary beings to teach children valuable skills. great in concept, but painful when the child realizes those wonderful things in which they always believed only existed in fairy tales.

but why, then, is the fairness fairy still with us as we grow up? why does no one break the news to us that you can be nice to everyone until you’re blue in the face, but it doesn’t mean they will do the same in return? there’s no magic wand or fairy dust that makes everything magically fair.

I have been the entirety of my life that if I “do the right thing,” good things will come to me. but this is, and has never been true. I’m not so narcissistic to think that I am the only one who experienced this, I see it everywhere. people act honestly and deserve good things in return, it’s only fair, but never do they receive such a reward. no, not a reward. never are they treated fairly in return.

I’ve lived my life clinging to it, just as so many others. resting on the promise that my life would be one day become ‘fair’. crushed time and again, crying out, wondering what happened my fairness, desperately searching for what I had done to deserve such treatment, blaming myself all along. now I struggle to break free of this childhood promise, of this vicious cycle in which I was raised to believe. I never believed in santa, I should never have believed in fairness, either.

fairness is merely a myth. something to which we cling, which was better left in the sandbox.

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~ by Mary Christa on July 14, 2009.

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